Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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