I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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