Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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