I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
