You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
