I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
