oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
