So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The beer is more important than you right now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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