she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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