Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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