the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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