You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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