I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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