its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We got so high we made milksteak
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
