DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
