There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Say something about gay babies.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
