"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
