We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
