Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
