I accidentally had phone sex last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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