I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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