Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
