u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
