I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
