someone threw a dead crab at me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
