Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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