He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
