I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
