i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
