I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
