i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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