my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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