PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
