Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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