You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
