I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
