actually, I'm a sock model
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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