Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
