So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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