I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
