I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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