sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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