i need an iv and a liver transplant
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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