I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
