I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
