I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
