Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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