I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
