I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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