my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
