she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
