Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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