Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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