The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
