Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
