is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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